Flatlined

I am overwhelmed with a bubbling explosion of feelings, my heart aches so badly. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, everything I've ever wanted every little detail I knew I'd notice, every little incline and curve on your body I knew I'd fall in love with you, but now I'm scared, scared of myself, scared of what could happen, scared I might scare you off. But then I think of when I'm with you and my mind centers itself onto thinking about what your thinking about
I guess my mother has been right all along, patience is a virtue. Because we have all the time in the world, I think you And I are a great idea.

Sleepyhead

I'm still thinking about what you said, but I'm not mad. I'm a big girl, I'm just adjusting. I'm still thinking about what you haven't said and wondering how long it's going to take you to realise.

I've decided life is like minesweeper. You have your lucky days adverage days and then every now and then you step on a bomb.

white birds & lemons

im in one of those moods where i just stop and think about every little

detail and how it effects and relates to me, im getting inside peoples heads

and there thoughts and feeling how they are feeling and making cross references

to my very own life. lyrics paintings movies life nature everything has some type

of relationship or connection with my life. 

enough crazy talk.

Just popped on to say how amazing lisa mitchells support band "white birds & lemons" were,

I have not felt the way about music the way I do now in a very long time, and I have them to thank. Thank goodness a band is finally bringing something fresh and fun to the stage! There set was amazing. I could have watched them 3 times over and still been wanting more! Everything about them works, the vocals, the electronic beats and the drums! oh the drums!

www.myspace.com/whitebirds&lemons

best.

should listen!

you'll love me for it. 

huff

i dont think its very fair i should have to think about what
im saying before i 'type' it. its my personal blog slash venting
system. and you know whatever does it for you.
im sure you wouldnt me rather keep all my nasty little thoughts
inside and go insane. i love the interweb for this reason.
it helps me vent. in a big way

so fuck you, even though im to much of a pussy to say this to your
face. im gunna write whatever the hell i feel like while i stare into the
empty screen. it comforts me. its my personal doctor phil.

ps.

just because i know your not going to read this.

YOUR NOT ALWAYS RIGHT AND YOUR VERY MANIPULATIVE!

art. june 23

decided id have a random art lurk..


pretty amazing stuff ive found.
im gunna post here so i dont loose it.




"blessing" APAK




"music making" APAK



"planting" APAK



gemma jones




Bec orpin "princess kaleidoscope"



bec orpin "princess melancholy"



"princess positive"



"princess wallpaper"

lewd and crude

ill do my best to give my 100%.

if i fail you cant say we didnt try.

poison sky

this morning i got out of bed and a sudden rush of emotion
took over me, i felt like something was missing, something
just didnt feel right, i got up had a cigarette and looked
at the sky, and it became evident to me how insignificant
and small i actually am in the big picture, a tiny little
speck of girl, a little cell of existance that has no real
purpose except to live and die,

why do i always do this

i feel like sometimes i want to be to many different people all at once.

i have so many personalities its hard to keep up with myself.

somedays i spend half the day pondering who i want to be,

and what i want to become, but then find myself always falling back

into the same routine over and over again.

i want to be free and independent, but is that just my inner teen angst 

rebellious side of me pissing off my parents, because some days i just want

someone to take care of me and appreciate me, self centered arent i, i guess

everyone needs a little love, even alexander supertramp needed it in the end.

i need to stop living the fairytale in my head and grow up and accept responsibility 

i just dont feel like im ready to yet. i feel so young inside.

im probably not the only person in the world that feels this way,

but its nice to exclude yourself sometimes, smoke a cigarette and over analyse every

little word in all my favourite songs, soak up the chemically ill feeling it gives me

and try and upset myself. ive always had a problem with dealing with my emotions

and the repercusions of my own actions always making excuses for myself.

or maybe my mum has just fed that to me so many times ive convinced myself its real.

in my spare time i like to bring everything to life and give them names.

from now on this laptop will be called ernie, hello ernie. hello abby.

ernie say hello to everyone at home, hello fuckers, come now ernie dont be rude.

in conclusion.

i would hate to be normal.

life is so much more interesting this way

wants

dont talk to me if ur not over ur ex girlfriend

i want a boy that still looks cute with a shaved head.

dont be afraid to touch my feet.

gets excited to see me.

will spoon me at least till i fall asleep. and let me rub there skin

will play along with my games. is a must

choose activities for us, cause i cant make decisions.

take me for coffee.

kiss me infront of people.

offer me a fresh towel wen i have a shower.

let me sit on ur lap and tell you secrets in ur ear.

make me want you by pretending u dont want me.

tell me cute songs.

ask me to pick u up when ur drunk.

i dont think im asking to much

i drew some pictures today,

im kinda impressed with myself.

i promised mum a drawing for 

mothers day, i killed 2 birds with 1 stone

there. had a leisurely time making them,

and ive got a killer present. especially if i can

find some sweet frames.

they are erie self portraits of my face

distorted on mac book

pretty random idea.

:)

gutted

cant find the words today.
wont know what to say tomorrow either.
there will be no time for that last kiss.
its to late to share one last cigarettee.
im already trying to forget your face.
the time we spent ill scrunch up and swallow.

you never promised me a happy ending.
hope is make believe.
love is real.

starting over.

im not going to talk shit anymore.im just going to plain and simply talk from
my heart and tell anything i feel like.
example right now i feel like one of those kisses well... right now im kinda thinking about how i want one of those intense first kisses. the beautiful uncomfortable rushed fight to have my lips against theirs while im choking for air getting so caught up im forgetting to breath. kissing your bottom lip and holding your face. scared to use my tongue until you do first. but being so eager to have you inside my mouth.