lewd and crude

ill do my best to give my 100%.

if i fail you cant say we didnt try.

poison sky

this morning i got out of bed and a sudden rush of emotion
took over me, i felt like something was missing, something
just didnt feel right, i got up had a cigarette and looked
at the sky, and it became evident to me how insignificant
and small i actually am in the big picture, a tiny little
speck of girl, a little cell of existance that has no real
purpose except to live and die,

why do i always do this

i feel like sometimes i want to be to many different people all at once.

i have so many personalities its hard to keep up with myself.

somedays i spend half the day pondering who i want to be,

and what i want to become, but then find myself always falling back

into the same routine over and over again.

i want to be free and independent, but is that just my inner teen angst 

rebellious side of me pissing off my parents, because some days i just want

someone to take care of me and appreciate me, self centered arent i, i guess

everyone needs a little love, even alexander supertramp needed it in the end.

i need to stop living the fairytale in my head and grow up and accept responsibility 

i just dont feel like im ready to yet. i feel so young inside.

im probably not the only person in the world that feels this way,

but its nice to exclude yourself sometimes, smoke a cigarette and over analyse every

little word in all my favourite songs, soak up the chemically ill feeling it gives me

and try and upset myself. ive always had a problem with dealing with my emotions

and the repercusions of my own actions always making excuses for myself.

or maybe my mum has just fed that to me so many times ive convinced myself its real.

in my spare time i like to bring everything to life and give them names.

from now on this laptop will be called ernie, hello ernie. hello abby.

ernie say hello to everyone at home, hello fuckers, come now ernie dont be rude.

in conclusion.

i would hate to be normal.

life is so much more interesting this way

wants

dont talk to me if ur not over ur ex girlfriend

i want a boy that still looks cute with a shaved head.

dont be afraid to touch my feet.

gets excited to see me.

will spoon me at least till i fall asleep. and let me rub there skin

will play along with my games. is a must

choose activities for us, cause i cant make decisions.

take me for coffee.

kiss me infront of people.

offer me a fresh towel wen i have a shower.

let me sit on ur lap and tell you secrets in ur ear.

make me want you by pretending u dont want me.

tell me cute songs.

ask me to pick u up when ur drunk.

i dont think im asking to much

i drew some pictures today,

im kinda impressed with myself.

i promised mum a drawing for 

mothers day, i killed 2 birds with 1 stone

there. had a leisurely time making them,

and ive got a killer present. especially if i can

find some sweet frames.

they are erie self portraits of my face

distorted on mac book

pretty random idea.

:)

gutted

cant find the words today.
wont know what to say tomorrow either.
there will be no time for that last kiss.
its to late to share one last cigarettee.
im already trying to forget your face.
the time we spent ill scrunch up and swallow.

you never promised me a happy ending.
hope is make believe.
love is real.